awesometakashi

I really just can't even begin to think of what's been going on this past week. Like, honestly. I just don't even remember how I felt yesterday. I'm probably just so tired right now that it's messing with my thinking. I do remember having a horrible, horrible day on Monday at first. I was just pissed off at the world. But by the afternoon, I was all better. Hahaha.

Lately I've been thinking of how quickly the days are going by. It seems unreal. It's almost November. November? Where did October go? I came her in September and that went by quickly! And now Ocotber is going by even faster! Ah! What is with these months? Before I know it, it'll be February and I'll be heading back to the States for a little break. Hmm...crazy.

Uh...I don't know what else to say. Seems like school is okay. It's still hard though. Japanese class is intense. Trying my best, and that's the best I can do, right? Well...actually I'm not studying like I should be. I need to be studying a whole lot more. I just can't force myself to do that. I really hate studying. Gah...I need someone to force me to study.

I need tacos. I need them or I'll explode. :(

So it has now been 4 weeks since I left the states. It's been one crazy month? (I guess 4 weeks really are only 28 days, and a month is 30-31 days ((except February)), but...I digress...)

I can say that this has been quite an experience! It's been fun so far! Really fun! I won't say that every single day has been amazing, but, for the most part, I can say that I've been happy here. Of course there have been days when I was depressed (last Saturday is an example), but I think that the awesome days have outweighed the depressed days. Yeah, I'm sure of it.

As of now, I've made a lot of new friends. Of course the exchange students are to be expected, but I've made so many Japanese friends! It's really awesome! I mean...what else can I say? They are cool people! Nice and fun to be around. And they drink just as much as us Americans do on the weekends. Hahaha... Really, for anyone who has thought differently, Japanese and American college students pretty much all act the same. Not much difference. (Aside from the obvious physical and language differences.)

I never really had a problem adjusting to life here, to be honest. I guess most people have that stage when they negatively compare their country to the country they're currently residing in... But I suppose it has either not affected me yet, or just won't happen. Really, I don't see that much difference to compare things negatively. The only thing I could "complain" about is the fact that it's hard to find food I know how to cook. And that's really not a complain - just an observation.

I can say, though, that I still miss all of my friends greatly. I really do. A month away doesn't seem that long, but, when you don't have your friends around, it really can seem to drag on... That's the only thing I think I'd change about being here. If I could have one, and just one, friend here, I would be so happy. It'd be an awesome time! Well, of course I have all my new friends, and they seem to be doing the job of making it awesome! Still, one old friend would be nice.

Eh...I'm tired of typing now. I don't really have anything new to say. I feel like everything I just said is just a rehash of what I've already said before. Well, I guess that's not a bad thing? Who knows? Maybe whoever's reading this will think it's more interesting than I do.

Life abroad has been quite different. It's been quite lonely, even with other exchange students here. None of my friends are here. None of my family either. It's just me. It's not as if I'm studying abroad in England where everyone speaks English. It's Japan. Hardly anyone speaks English here, and most of the ones who do speak it rather poorly. I feel lost at times. Very lost. There was a point today when I was having trouble with the subway. But seeing as how my Japanese isn't very good, I couldn't convey what was wrong to anyone. I had to wander about until I managed to figure things out. I know it may seem like a good thing to have figured things out by myself, but it really just made me feel alone here. If I'm not with other exchange students, who can I talk to? Who can I communicate with? I'm just alone here when it comes down to it.

Then there comes the question of why am I here anyway? Yes, I have always loved Japan. And, yes, I have always wanted to be here for a long period of time. At one point, I wanted to live here permanently. But somewhere within the past year, I suddenly realized that that's not what I want. I realized that my love for Japan is real, but it's more like a fantasy of sorts. It's nice to be here...but why am I here? I used to love languages, or so I thought. But now I've realized that it's not really my passion at all. I don't intend to learn anymore languages. I don't intend to do anything with Japanese once I do learn it. Yes, it will be nice to understand the songs I listen to without having to read translations. But...I feel like it's a waste. I'm putting myself behind in school. When I get back, it'll be as if I'm a Junior still. It'll be as if I took a year break from school. I feel as if I'm accomplishing nothing. Just learning Japanese for my own enjoyment. Nothing to do with my future...

I suppose I should stop complaining. It's not that bad... I just wish at times that I hadn't decided to study abroad. Or I wish that I had decided to cancel it back in June when I was beginning to have doubts about it. I guess time will tell as to if this were a good decision or not. Maybe in a few months I will be having the time of my life? Perhaps so. But, at the moment, I only see it as a bit of a waste. I really just wish I could be at home going about my regular life.