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Day 6 : Some Thoughts
Sep. 13th, 2010 09:51 amLife abroad has been quite different. It's been quite lonely, even with other exchange students here. None of my friends are here. None of my family either. It's just me. It's not as if I'm studying abroad in England where everyone speaks English. It's Japan. Hardly anyone speaks English here, and most of the ones who do speak it rather poorly. I feel lost at times. Very lost. There was a point today when I was having trouble with the subway. But seeing as how my Japanese isn't very good, I couldn't convey what was wrong to anyone. I had to wander about until I managed to figure things out. I know it may seem like a good thing to have figured things out by myself, but it really just made me feel alone here. If I'm not with other exchange students, who can I talk to? Who can I communicate with? I'm just alone here when it comes down to it.
Then there comes the question of why am I here anyway? Yes, I have always loved Japan. And, yes, I have always wanted to be here for a long period of time. At one point, I wanted to live here permanently. But somewhere within the past year, I suddenly realized that that's not what I want. I realized that my love for Japan is real, but it's more like a fantasy of sorts. It's nice to be here...but why am I here? I used to love languages, or so I thought. But now I've realized that it's not really my passion at all. I don't intend to learn anymore languages. I don't intend to do anything with Japanese once I do learn it. Yes, it will be nice to understand the songs I listen to without having to read translations. But...I feel like it's a waste. I'm putting myself behind in school. When I get back, it'll be as if I'm a Junior still. It'll be as if I took a year break from school. I feel as if I'm accomplishing nothing. Just learning Japanese for my own enjoyment. Nothing to do with my future...
I suppose I should stop complaining. It's not that bad... I just wish at times that I hadn't decided to study abroad. Or I wish that I had decided to cancel it back in June when I was beginning to have doubts about it. I guess time will tell as to if this were a good decision or not. Maybe in a few months I will be having the time of my life? Perhaps so. But, at the moment, I only see it as a bit of a waste. I really just wish I could be at home going about my regular life.
Then there comes the question of why am I here anyway? Yes, I have always loved Japan. And, yes, I have always wanted to be here for a long period of time. At one point, I wanted to live here permanently. But somewhere within the past year, I suddenly realized that that's not what I want. I realized that my love for Japan is real, but it's more like a fantasy of sorts. It's nice to be here...but why am I here? I used to love languages, or so I thought. But now I've realized that it's not really my passion at all. I don't intend to learn anymore languages. I don't intend to do anything with Japanese once I do learn it. Yes, it will be nice to understand the songs I listen to without having to read translations. But...I feel like it's a waste. I'm putting myself behind in school. When I get back, it'll be as if I'm a Junior still. It'll be as if I took a year break from school. I feel as if I'm accomplishing nothing. Just learning Japanese for my own enjoyment. Nothing to do with my future...
I suppose I should stop complaining. It's not that bad... I just wish at times that I hadn't decided to study abroad. Or I wish that I had decided to cancel it back in June when I was beginning to have doubts about it. I guess time will tell as to if this were a good decision or not. Maybe in a few months I will be having the time of my life? Perhaps so. But, at the moment, I only see it as a bit of a waste. I really just wish I could be at home going about my regular life.
